Note:
Only summaries are included below -
see book for details
Chivalry is
Not
Dead
34
A Deadly
Game of
Bridge
35
Unleashing
Hostility
“We believe
that the bridge table is used as a socially acceptable place
to get rid of frustrations in a marriage.”
Jim and Lois
Scott, West Coast bridge couple
Not Just
Anatomically Different
“A woman's inner
sense of value tells her that bridge is not really a matter of
life and death, but a man, whose ego is at stake, is a much
harder fighter and treats bridge as a challenge to his
mentality.”
Anonymous
Woman Bridge Pro
A female bridge
professional graciously agreed to donate her services for a
charity event. Her partner was nice enough, but it would be
fair to say that bridge was not his game. Late in the evening,
he excused himself and headed for the men's room. The hostess
asked the pro how they were doing. “My partner is a charming
gentleman, but to be perfectly honest, this is the first time
all night I know what he has in his hand!”
Husbands and Wives
In an elevator at a
tournament, a man and a woman were arguing about the play of a
bridge hand. Someone asked them if they were married. “Of
course,” the woman answered, “do you think I would live in sin
with an idiot like that?”
Teaching
Your Spouse
“A husband
should never try to teach his wife to play golf or drive a
car. A wife should never try to teach her husband to play
bridge.”
Harvey Penick's
Little Red Book
Chivalry is Not Dead
“Bridge is
essentially a social game, but unfortunately it attracts a
substantial number of antisocial people.”
Alan Truscott,
bridge editor of The New York Times
Picture the
following: I was playing duplicate bridge against a couple who
ended up in a ridiculous contract, doubled and vulnerable to
boot. Mr. Smith did not look pleased during the auction, but
completely lost it when his hapless wife tabled her dummy. Mr.
Smith then proceeded to vent his spleen at his better half.
Although no one would have criticized her for retaliating, she
burst into tears and ran off.
Boorish behavior is
never justified, but it was especially ironic in this case.
Mrs. Smith's bidding had been totally reasonable. In fact, if
I were serving as judge and jury, my only criticism would have
concerned her choice of partner/spouse.
My partner and I
were able to quiet things down a little, although the whole
room continued to stare at the table where there were now only
three players. We managed to finish the hand, and went plus
800.
I would like to
have said something to defend the innocent victim.
Unfortunately, Mr. Smith was the size of a mobile home. There
had to be some clever tactic. What would Confucius say?
And then it came to
me. “Angry man fight, smart man write.” I ripped off a corner
of my convention card and scribbled the following: “Your
bidding was 100% correct.”
When Mrs. Smith
returned, I waited until Moose was studying his cards, and
discreetly slipped my message under her convention card. She
said nothing, but her smile was worth a thousand words.
Mixed Pairs —
Everyone's Favorite Event
“If you feel
that you absolutely must play bridge with your husband or
wife, I propose this rule. Each time you pick up a hand,
slowly and fervently intone to yourself: No matter what
happens on this deal, I won't get angry. And stick to it. Who
knows, you might both get home that night in a pleasant frame
of mind.”
Helen Sobel
Smith
And now for the
pièce de résistance.
A Deadly Game of Bridge
“Husbands and wives make poor partners — unless they happen to
be someone else’s husband or wife.”
Milton Ozaki, bridge writer
In many respects,
the most disastrous bridge hand ever played took place in
Kansas City, Missouri on September 29, 1929. The ill-fated
victim was 36-year-old John G. Bennett, a prosperous perfume
salesman. According to the police report, he met his demise
because he failed to make a bridge hand.
John and his wife
Myrtle were playing bridge against another married couple,
Charles and Mayme Hoffman. The Bennetts had been arguing all
evening, but the situation came to a head when Mr. Bennett
failed to make a 4
contract. Mrs. Bennett violently castigated her husband, which
provoked him into announcing that he would spend the night in
a hotel, and then leave town. As the Hoffmans started to
leave, Mrs. Bennett took the family pistol from her mother's
room and shot her husband. He staggered to a chair uttering
the words “She got me.” On arrival, the police found Mrs.
Bennett weeping over the body.
Mrs. Bennett was
tried for murder in March 1931 and acquitted! How was that
possible?
Legend has it that:
Mrs. Bennett had an
excellent attorney.
Mrs. Bennett was
extremely attractive and the jury was male.
Got the picture?
Here is the
allegedly fatal hand:
West
North East South
—
— — 1
2
4
All Pass
CHAPTER 6 -
CUEBIDS:
“MICHAELS ROW YOUR BOAT ASHORE”
37
